Today I made the decision, I’m giving up. I’m done with this. I’m gonna be alone. I like it alone. No drama. No one to hurt you. NO pain. Numbness.
How can you love somebody as much as I do & be so hurt by them & still be willing to stay ? Hows that even a thing at this point. You would think after everything I’ve been through, everything I’ve felt & had to deal with. Her letting me walk away would be a blessing but in reality. It’s a curse to me. I want to be with her so bad… & at this point, I don’t understand why , she says, I deserve better & it’s true. I deserve someone who would worship the ground I walk on , I’m an amazing girlfriend, At least I think so. But none of that matters when it comes to her. I eat, sleep & breath her love , I can’t get enough of it. Now i’m crying like she died cause she’s ignoring me. It’s like being on the Christina train again. And I know how that ends. Not to well for me. Why can’t I just have no feelings ? Why can’t I just not feel, Just become numb to everything & fade into existence.
I just don’t understand why. I don’t get it. How you can love someone so much.. & they just don’t care. Everythings about them. Everythings on there time. Waiting for the perfect time. There is no such thing..
Get Me Some Of That
I’m at a loss of what do. I love her, and I want to be with her, but it’s like. What do you do, when you know somethings bad for you ? It’s almost like i’m a drug addict. They know drugs are bad for them.. but they do it anyways. Just to get there fix. I know I shouldn’t keep falling for her. But I do, every kiss, every hug, every time we are curled up in the sheets together, I can’t get enough. I feel at home. I feel safe. I feel like there is no where else in the world I’d rather be. than right there in her arms. I’m a fool. a damned one. The risks I take are surely calculated, but boy am I bad at math..
You know when you’re little spoon and sleeping with someone and you wake up a little and scoot your butt and back towards them and they just so happen to be awake too and pull you in closer and you fall back asleep? Yeah. That.
This pain. I can’t deal . Honestly. I don’t understand how people just “fall” out of love. There’s time in the day where I have to actively make my mind stop thinking of her because i’m so consumed with thoughts of her. She’s everything to me. But this fucking girl. Ugh. I don’t understand it. I’ve never loved so hard. it’s fucking retarted. There are times. there are days, where she hurts me so bad.. I just don’t want to have any thoughts or memories of her. At this moment. If I walked outside. And someone said ” hey you there, here’s a pill that will help you forget her…” I’d take it. & that’s awful but it’s true. smith was right. there’s no winning here for me. Only sad hopeless, tear stained losses.