How can someone who used to make you feel like everything, make you feel like nothing. I’ve never had my heart broken so many times by the same person, day in and day out & still I try to see the good in her. Give her the benefit of the doubt , take all the bullshit and the lies & for what. for it to be a year and some change down the road & she’s still the same shitty person she has always been. i can’t change people & i see that now. as for me, Im moving on.
Today I made the decision, I’m giving up. I’m done with this. I’m gonna be alone. I like it alone. No drama. No one to hurt you. NO pain. Numbness.
How can you love somebody as much as I do & be so hurt by them & still be willing to stay ? Hows that even a thing at this point. You would think after everything I’ve been through, everything I’ve felt & had to deal with. Her letting me walk away would be a blessing but in reality. It’s a curse to me. I want to be with her so bad… & at this point, I don’t understand why , she says, I deserve better & it’s true. I deserve someone who would worship the ground I walk on , I’m an amazing girlfriend, At least I think so. But none of that matters when it comes to her. I eat, sleep & breath her love , I can’t get enough of it. Now i’m crying like she died cause she’s ignoring me. It’s like being on the Christina train again. And I know how that ends. Not to well for me. Why can’t I just have no feelings ? Why can’t I just not feel, Just become numb to everything & fade into existence.
I just don’t understand why. I don’t get it. How you can love someone so much.. & they just don’t care. Everythings about them. Everythings on there time. Waiting for the perfect time. There is no such thing..
Get Me Some Of That
I’m at a loss of what do. I love her, and I want to be with her, but it’s like. What do you do, when you know somethings bad for you ? It’s almost like i’m a drug addict. They know drugs are bad for them.. but they do it anyways. Just to get there fix. I know I shouldn’t keep falling for her. But I do, every kiss, every hug, every time we are curled up in the sheets together, I can’t get enough. I feel at home. I feel safe. I feel like there is no where else in the world I’d rather be. than right there in her arms. I’m a fool. a damned one. The risks I take are surely calculated, but boy am I bad at math..